The War on the War on Christmas Starts Earlier Every Year

There are certainly wackos on all ends of the political spectrum, but I think there is something special about right-wing wackos. From my perspective, the right wing seems to be better at things like blind obedience and unjustified respect for authority, which leads to things like this.

The chart below comes from a web analytics company called Hitwise that measures how traffic moves around the web. They noticed a ridiculous spike in traffic to Mrs. Field’s Cookies website and decided to investigate. The interesting thing in the chart is that Google, which is normally the top referring site from just about every site on the web, has dropped to 6th behind a bunch of web based email programs.

The 3rd result is the one behind it:

American Family Association and Mrs Fields

The America Family Association sent out an alert to their members telling them about an issue that was on the front line in the war on American families. What was that? A rumor was going around that Mrs. Field’s Cookies was no longer selling Christmas Cookies:

A little Internet searching revealed the source of this mystery. Apparently, according to this story, a Michigan woman, called a Mrs. Fields to order Christmas cookies. The company representative gave her inaccurate information according to a later statement from Mrs. Fields that, the store was no longer carrying “Christmas” cookies. An email blast was issued from the AFA site. Mayhem ensued. Mystery solved.

Apparently, the biggest issue facing American families today is the availability of cookies labeled as “Christmas” from a mall store. The troops were rallied for this?

A quick glance at the Mrs Field’s website reveals two things. Can you guess what they are?

Mrs Field's Cookies

1. Christmas Gifts are available through the link on the lower left corner on the homepage.

2. It’s not even Halloween yet.

The reason I say this is specifically a right-wing thing is the left is way too disorganized to dwarf the traffic coming into a website over something this trivial. It takes a special kind of blind obedience of your members to pull this off.

If I’m wrong, let me know.

Central Front in The War on Christmas: Eastern Wisconsin

A friend of mine from college thinks that George W. Bush’s Texas accent is real, that we’re winning in Iraq (yet he can’t define HOW we’re winning or what winning looks like), and that Democrats drink the blood of babies (more or less).

He also happens to be a member of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders defending Christmas from Democratic evildoers. While crushing his latest can of Busch Light (ironic when said rather than read) with his left hand, he forwards right-wing jokes with his right. Here’s the latest:

For My Democrat Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2007, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere.

For My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

My friend celebrates the birth of a non-white, non-American, non-Republican person born to an asexual couple by making fun of people (Democrats) who, ironically, respect others without regard to “race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference.”

Here’s a previous exchange from over three years ago when he was convinced the media was misleading the American public by supposedly failing to report on how well things were going in Iraq. 465 Americans had already died in Iraq. 2,485 more Americans have died since.

I suppose it’s easier to fight (via keyboard) a fake war trumped up by a couple FOX News talking heads than to defend the bloodshed caused by President Bush.

What I don’t understand is why so many people NEED an enemy in their life. Is hate therapeutic? Does a polarized world-view give people a sense of place?

Here is my first shot at a theory on this: people who look down on others due to their political affiliation or religious beliefs would like to live in a simpler world. By dismissing the beliefs of the vast majority of Americans (the majority of Americans belong a different political party or no party at all), and the vast majority of the world (people of different religions, races, etc.), the world becomes a much smaller and more manageable space. It’s a comfortable world-view that comes without the burden of learning about other places, people, and religions beyond basic stereotypes so you can make fun of them.

War on Christmas: Santa Sluts

Santa’s lil’ Sluts – 015, originally uploaded by atotalcad.

Two out of three sorority girls don’t realize that red, not pink, is the appropriate color for Santa Slut outfits.

Maybe Bill O’Reilly and John Gibson are right about the war on Christmas?

Who knew it would have such horrendous side effects?

Props to the girl on the right who realizes Santa sluts should be red. Her momma didn’t raise no fool.