Morning Farts vs. Evening Farts

There are times when I really feel like I’m on the cutting edge of an important issue, and this could possibly be one of those times.

The issue: morning farts vs. evening farts.

The questions: Why are evening farts more pungent?

Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I’d expect a fart that’s had all night to brew would be significantly more pungent than one without a night’s worth of fermentation. But that’s simply not the case.

I hopped on “The Google” to see what I could find, and found that only one person has ever used the phrases “morning farts” and “evening farts” in the same sentence in the entire history of the world wide web! And I quote from CaptainFuzzy over on Paintball Reviews:

“Seems like morning farts are frequent and booming but lack the sultry aftermass that evening farts do…”


It’s reassuring to me to know that I’m not the only person in the world who’s experienced this phenomenon.

CaptainFuzzy includes an example:

“I’m on vacation this week and one morning I got up early and ate breakfast with my dad before he went off to work and both of us were ripping ’em like there’s no tomorrow. They didn’t smell though, they were just loud as bloody hell.”

If any fartologists happen to read this, I’d really love an scientific explanation for the inverse correlation between scent and fermentation. If an explanation does not exist, I just may have to go back to school to study Fartology at the School of Fartological Sciences at the University of Minnesota (St. Paul Campus).

My Visit to LoFo

Earlier tonight, I spent some time in LoFo, aka. Lower Longfellow. Or, as the city of Minneapolis tries to call it, Hiawatha or Howe or something.

It took me a while to pin down the differences between LoFo and Lake8, but I think figured it out.

Driving through, a person with untrained inner-city senses may not be able to pick up on the subtle differences. Both areas are dominated by bungalow style homes. Both share the exact same avenues. Both have nice parks, easy access to West River Road, and fast commutes to downtown.

The difference I found . . . is the aroma.

The fast pace of Lake8 comes with a price. Families have no time to cook, and are forced to stop at one of the two fast food restaurants along E Lake Street on their way home from their white collar jobs: McDonald’s or Taco Bell. The area wreaks of unfinished happy meals and half-eaten 7-Later Burritos.

LoFo, on the other hand, has a potpourri of home-cooked freshly chopped herbs, slow cooked stews & chili, and non-microwaved popcorn filling the air. It reminded my of a simpler time. Wobegone like, where the meals are all above average.

It’s Leave it to Beaver vs. American Beauty wrapped up in one sense: smell.