What Sucks about Newspapers

This is the crap that makes newspapers painfully annoying to me. A headline on the homepage of StarTribune.com takes me to a PR piece about the supposed rise in the use of paver stones in residential landscaping. Check out the following paragraph. Who talks like this?

A step beyond concrete

Hanson is among the growing number of homeowners who are rejecting cold, concrete slabs for warmer, more sophisticated alternatives to outfit the outdoor rooms they use for entertaining and relaxing. Natural stone and concrete pavers are not only being used for patios, they’re shaping walkways. And pavers are even covering that gigantic welcome mat — the driveway.

Why shoulld I have to wade through crap like this to find actual news? Actually, I don’t have to, which is why I rarely turn to the homepage of the Star Tribune for news.

Sometimes I’m Really Dumb

While out for a casual bike ride around South Minneapolis neighborhoods today, I heard a young girl yelling from the back of a bike coming toward me. She was on one of those 3rd wheel trailers attached to her mom’s bike. As I got closer, I could make out what she was saying while pointing at me:

“That is a very dumb person!”

Yep, I was being called dumb by a random girl on a bike. Why? Her mom’s response to her daughter explained it:

“That’s right, honey. He should be wearing a helmet.”

I thought about circling around to tell the girl that she’s right, and I actually ordered a new one on Amazon last week, but instead biked home in shame after being called out the biking do-gooder.

Two for a nickel . . .

Ever since I first heard the Chili Peppers cover the Red Hots song, I thought the line was “Two for a nickel, three for a dime” which makes no sense. Why would I buy a dime’s worth of red hots if I’m going to get less than two nickel’s worth?

After around 15 years, I Googled the lyrics and it turns out it’s “two for a nickel, FIVE for a dime.” Now that makes sense.

Now where I can get some red hots for 5 for a dime these days?

Britney Spears is Pregnant Again

Here’s my take on Britney Spears getting pregnant again:

Providing a fertile landscape for Kevin Federline does not seem like a smart move. Once is bad enough. I hope this isn’t some kind of “save the marriage” by having another kid trick.

Firing the Nanny: Britney made a smart move firing the nanny who dropped her son Sean on his head, creacking his skull. That gains her some parenting cred, although taking a week or so to take the child to the doctor was about as irresponsible as it comes.

My Encounter with Al Franken

I wrote this for an Al Franken loving friend who couldn’t make it to the movie last Thursday, but thought I’d repost it here:

First, get yourself to his movie, “When God Spoke.” It’s playing at the TC Film Fest, but doesn’t have a national deal yet. At least, that’s what Al told me at Sea Salt.

Al spoke after the movie at the Riverview, then there was a “Gala” at Sea Salt. I was ordering a Grain Belt Premo at the bar when Al plopped down right next to me. He was pretty tired after a long day, and apparently a long day the day before at St. John’s. I had a platter of Oysters in front of me that he was eying, so I hooked him up.

I tried to figure out what to ask the guy given such a unique opportunity. At first, I drew a blank, then came up with something like, “Have you thought about how you could be an influential senator if elected?” to which he responded, “I hear it helps to be in the majority.” I asked him if Walter Mondale gave him that advice (Mondale was in the movie giving him advice) which got a chuckle out of him. I was pretty proud to make a hardened commedian like Franken laugh.

My friend Jeff told Franken that his mom thinks I look like him (Franken). He studied me for a bit, then said he sees some similarities.

He confirmed that he does live in Grant Park, and said he likes it there.

And the whole time, he was POUNDING through oysters. My friend Jeff had the quote of the night with, “The man likes his oysters.”

He was very nice to everyone. Especially to the people working at Sea Salt. Meeting him and seeing him interact with the public made me like the guy even more.

Life as a Model

I had my first modeling gig last night. Seriously.

Our friend Katie called Carly saying she needed some people for a photo shoot for Minneapolis / St. Paul Magazine at the Walker Art Center. Apparently, they’re doing a story on . . . you’ll have to wait to find out.

We had to dress up, drink wine, and act candid for an hour an a half.

I have a new found respect for Cindy Crawford and Tyra Banks.

The view from the Walker is pretty darn impressive. We were there at sunset and watched the color of the skyline change at the sun lowered in the sky. Very cool.

Pink- Dear Mr President – Live

Find a few minutes to watch Pink perform her song Dear Mr. President live:

Pink- Dear Mr President – Live

Be prepared for something a bit more powerful than Britney Spears’ blind support for President Bush:

“I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that.”

Who has more credibility? Someone who’d marry Kevin Federline and carry her child on her lap while driving, or Pink?