Ed Answers Your “Why?” Questions

People often visit this site in search of answers to questions they’ve typed into search engines. However, I’m not sure they’re always finding the best answers to their questions. To solve that, I’ll address questions people have asked directly, starting with this post.

1. Why do porn?

Answer: For the money.

2. Why Republicans are idiots?

Answer: As Republicans say, you should hate the sin and not the sinner. Republicans aren’t bad people. They just have a hard time understanding why someone like Sarah Palin is not someone who should be a heartbeat away from the presidency.

3. Why resign?

Answer: Because your boss has asked you to violate the Geneva Convention. If that doesn’t apply to your current situation, use your best judgement.

4. Why do people have abortions?

Answer: This would be a good question to ask someone who has the freedom to make that choice in the privacy of their family and medical relationships.

5. Why work for Target?

Answer: Because you’re fast, fun, and friendly. And you’re willing to believe Target manages to compete on price with WalMart yet doesn’t cause jobs to be shipped overseas or fight union organizing.

6. Why are people moving to Toronto?

Answer: To enjoy the diversity of a major metropolitan community without the crime and poverty associated with similar communities in the United States.

7. Why does the Prius have lower mileage in cold weather?

Answer: Chemistry.

8. Why girls give head?

Answer: Let me know when you find out.

9. Why gay marriage should be illegal.

Answer: It should be for you because you’re Mormon. The rest of us like to treat humans humanely.

10. Idearc stock and why is the company failing.

Answer: In 2008, people no longer turn to paper tablets for business information.

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