If I Ran the Olympics . . .

There would be a few changes:

1. The only synchronized sport would be the marathon. Parents could explain to their kids that there used to be other similarly stupid sports – only shorter.

2. The 100m dash finals would have one representative from each country in the entire world run on a track with enough lanes to hold everyone. It would be filmed from a blimp.

3. Equestrian, Rifle, and Archery would be merged to create one interesting sport.

4. Scrap the 1500m. We’re running the mile.

5. Judged sports would be banned. Gymnasts would try their luck on a timed obstacle course.

6. Indoor winter sports would become summer sports, including hockey and figure skating. This also solves the NHL conflict.

7. Figure skating would be replaced by barrel jumping.

8. Host cities would be chosen at random from a hat. “Hayward, Wisconsin, you’re the next host of the Olympics. You have 8 years.”

9. Advertisers would be limited to one commercial a day, so make it count.

10. The Olympics will take EVERY card BUT VISA.

4 thoughts on “If I Ran the Olympics . . .”

  1. What if you ran their website? Could it be less helpful.

    I know bubkiss about web design, but if I were their webdesigner I would design a site that allows you to register and select “event preferences” so that you could login in and follow an event besides olympic swimming, beach volley ball or gymnastics.

    Maybe we could make a point of interviewing the Gold metalist in an event before talking to the favored hurdler who just finished 7th because she hit a hurdle. “How does it feel to have your dreams shattered in Beijing”

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  3. So negative on the synchronized sports…I think it is just they have the wrong sport. How about–
    –Pub dining…beer, banger’s n mash, and followed by darts. I’m thinking penalty loops for drinking spills and any food not properly consumed.

    And none of that speed gulping crap, I’m thinking manners and etiquette, forks and knives…and judge the conversation value.

    I’ll be training for this tonight–you in?

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