Ed Answers Your “Why?” Questions Part VI

More questions:

1. Why is my tanning bed leaving red stripes on my back?

Answer: Dang, the same thing happened to me the one time I tried tanning. My back looked like a US flag. I guess that doesn’t really answer your questions. You’re welcome for the visual.

2. Why is the jucy in a jucy lucy spelled that way?

Answer: That’s a great questions for Matt’s Bar. Ask them them next time you visit.

3. Why is there arsenic in South Minneapolis?

Answer: An old fertilizer plant that wasn’t cleaned up by the owners. So now we’re all paying to clean up an irresponsible business.

4. Why is there high crime in Longfellow Minneapolis?

Answer: There isn’t unless you compare it to Lake Wobegon.

5. Why is toilet seat open in picture when selling house?

Answer: Because not all real estate agents graduated first in their class.

6. Why market beer in a 40 ounce container?

Answer: Easy to carry. Easy to drink. Portion control.

7. Why might people perform better at midday rather than earlier or later in the day?

Answer: No longer hung over. Not drunk yet.

8. Why people buy groceries from convenience stores?

Answer: I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, “convenience.”

9. Why people didn’t vote for Norm Coleman?

Answer: 6 years or below average performance.

10. Why people die from lack of water?

Answer: Science.

Ed Answers Your “Why?” Questions Part V

More questions:

1. Why does pollen make you sneeze?

Answer: Science.

2. Why does tide not want students to wash their clothes?

Answer: Marketing jujitsu.

3. Why don’t US businesses answer the phone on Thursday afternoons?

Answer: Happy Hour.

4. Why free coffee refills?

Answer: Never argue with the under-caffeinated.

5. Why is ace hardware better than true value?

Answer: Cleaner with wider aisles and more friendly, knowledgeable staff, based on my experience.

6. Why is CBS liberal?

Answer: Because they report news.

7. Why is dumping sewage so bad?

Answer: Because it can make you pee out of your butt.

8. Why is ex buying me gifts?

Answer: He/she wants to have sex with you.

9. Why is homeschooling the best choice?

Answer: Because you have trust issues.

10. Why is my sleep number bed so hot?

Answer: Because you’re sleeping on a balloon.

Ed Answers Your “Why?” Questions Part III

More questions:

1. Why are there brand names at Payless Shoes?

Answer: To make you feel better about buying shoes made in questionable working conditions.

2. Why are there less Craigslist erotic posts?

Answer: Because 40 attorney generals decided that it would somehow prevent prostitution in America.

3. Why are there very few people in Alaska?

Answer: It’s cold, dark, and Sarah Palin is governor.

4. Why become a Republican?

Answer: To be a rebel. How times have changed.

5. Why can’t you have ham on Fridays during lent?

Answer: While this may seem odd, ham is actually meat.

6. Why Canadians are weird?

Answer: Curling.

7. Why did Freddie Prinze Jr run such a slow marathon?

Answer: Hey, easy on Freddie. He is (or was) a busy man.

8. Why did unions have a hard time getting started?

Answer: Because corporations don’t want their employees to be as organized as the corporation is. That, you see, would be unfair.

9. Why do hippies eat granola?

Answer: It comes from the Earth, man.

10. Why do honey crisp apples cost so much?

Answer: Because they’re so darn good and you know you’ll pay for them anyway to stop whining about it and enjoy your apple.

Ed Answers Your “Why?” Questions

People often visit this site in search of answers to questions they’ve typed into search engines. However, I’m not sure they’re always finding the best answers to their questions. To solve that, I’ll address questions people have asked directly, starting with this post.

1. Why do porn?

Answer: For the money.

2. Why Republicans are idiots?

Answer: As Republicans say, you should hate the sin and not the sinner. Republicans aren’t bad people. They just have a hard time understanding why someone like Sarah Palin is not someone who should be a heartbeat away from the presidency.

3. Why resign?

Answer: Because your boss has asked you to violate the Geneva Convention. If that doesn’t apply to your current situation, use your best judgement.

4. Why do people have abortions?

Answer: This would be a good question to ask someone who has the freedom to make that choice in the privacy of their family and medical relationships.

5. Why work for Target?

Answer: Because you’re fast, fun, and friendly. And you’re willing to believe Target manages to compete on price with WalMart yet doesn’t cause jobs to be shipped overseas or fight union organizing.

6. Why are people moving to Toronto?

Answer: To enjoy the diversity of a major metropolitan community without the crime and poverty associated with similar communities in the United States.

7. Why does the Prius have lower mileage in cold weather?

Answer: Chemistry.

8. Why girls give head?

Answer: Let me know when you find out.

9. Why gay marriage should be illegal.

Answer: It should be for you because you’re Mormon. The rest of us like to treat humans humanely.

10. Idearc stock and why is the company failing.

Answer: In 2008, people no longer turn to paper tablets for business information.

MSP Observation Deck

MSP Observation Deck, originally uploaded by s4xton.

Aaron offers a great reminder about the coolness of the MSP observation deck along with this hilarious nugget from his observing from the observation deck:

Two of them were fully uniformed TSA agents making out.

Uniformed make out sessions? Wow.