How Long Would Jared Allen Have to Play e-Pulltabs to Lose a Year’s Salary? #wilfare

According to SportCity.com, Jared Allen is scheduled to make $14,280,612 as a Minnesota Viking in the 2013-14 season. That’s a good chunk of change.

Now, imagine if Allen developed a nasty e-pulltabs gambling habit. I know that it’s hard to imagine Jared Allen having nothing better to do with his time than slowly lose money by tapping obsessively on an iPad screen, but give it a try. How long would Allen have to play e-pulltabs to lose $14,280,612?

Pace of Play

One of the e-pulltabs vendors who helped come up with the incredible horrendous projections for e-pulltabs popularity, John Weaver from Express Games, thinks people will play a hand of e-pulltabs every 10-15 seconds, based on this statement reported by the StarTribune:

Weaver responded: “One of the biggest issues that jumps out at me is the number of tickets sold per hour. … Our games run between 4 and 6 wagers per minute … The assumption that a player will play one ticket per minute is not realistic.”

While Weaver appears to have been way off in his projections of the popularity of games he distributes to bars, I think his assumptions about the speed of play are pretty fair. It doesn’t take long to tap an iPad twice, so it’s pretty easy to play the games at that pace.

Payout

The payout on e-pulltabs games is set at 85%, so for every $100 you play, you’ll – on average – have $85 left.

The Calculation

Let’s assume that Jared Allen has fast hands, so can play e-pulltabs machines at the faster end of John Weaver’s projections (one hand every 10 seconds). Let’s also assume that when Allen plays e-pulltabs he never gets distracted by conversations, signing autographs, or going to the bathroom. And, let’s assume that Allen plays $1 hands.

Based on those assumptions, Allen would lose an average of 90 cents per minute (six hands with an average loss of 15 cents), or $54 per hour.

At that rate, it would take Jared Allen 264,455 hours and 46 minutes to blow a year’s salary. With an 8 hour per day e-pulltabs habit (360 hands per hour) it would take Allen 127 years to lose one year’s salary. Or, Allen could drag 126 of his closest friends to a bar where they could each spend 40 hours a week, every week, for an entire year, collectively blowing through $14,280,612.

Now, here’s the downright pathetic part. Spending 127 years playing e-pulltabs at a rate of 6 hands per hour for 8 hours per day every working day of the year sounds like an incredible waste of time. But, were Allen to do that, he wouldn’t come close to raising enough money to cover even one year of the mortgage on the Vikings stadium debt the state offered to pay to subsidize Zygi Wilf’s private business.

Something like 20% of Allen’s $14,280,612 in losses would end up going to help pay the mortgage, so around $2.8 million with the rest going to the e-pulltabs vendor, the bar he spent 127 years of his life in, and a probably-questionable charity.

So, while Jaren Allen isn’t going to spend 127 years of his life tapping iPads to help pay for a fraction of one year of the state’s share of the mortgage costs of the Vikings stadium corporate Wilfare bill, the reality is that an enormous number of Minnesotans will need to do that in aggregate to make the projections work (which probably explains why they don’t).

How Much Are You Willing to Lose Per Hour to Provide Corporate #wilfare to the NFL?

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