Target’s Assets Protection



Assets Protection, originally uploaded by gruber.

John Gruber’s take on this Segway with a training wheel security vehicle is spot on:

My first thought was that I wanted to steal it. Just for an in-store joyride.

My second thought was, if I were a shoplifter and they came after me in this, they’d get me for sure, because I’d stop to piss myself

Have you seen any of these locally? I don’t make it to Target very often.

10 thoughts on “Target’s Assets Protection”

  1. I think Bruce Schneier would call it security theater. I think a Segway would be way more practical since you can actually jump off a segway onto a crook easier. You might as well put a seat belt on this thing.

    I’m very happy to know that when I spend my dollars at Target, they go to buy toys so high school dropout rent-a-cops lame toys so they can feel big.

  2. I assume the idea is just to impress the image of authority by virtue of a uniform and excessive equipment. However it would be much more effective if the security personnel also had spears and shiny helmets with plumage…
    -b

  3. You are forgetting that unlike a segway you can run over the thief with this thing and not risk falling off!

    I believe East Lake Target has one.

  4. the Notre Dame Security Police, defenders of all that is just and good, have one of these toys. We always called it “the Chariot” and would frequently see it while we were running thru campus, which inspired us to shout lines from Gladiator-type movies at the driver.

    “I…. AM…. SPARTACUS!” (yes I know this isn’t from Gladiator)

    Man, did NDSP have the lineup of useless toys. Standard Crown Vics, Durangos, Explorers, 4-wheelers, golf carts, Segways, an RV “mobile command” center, and best of all, the Chariot. They are massively well-equipped to handle emergencies. Unfortunately for them, it seems the only time anyone ever calls NDSP is if a high-maintenance girl on the track team needs a ride from her dorm to the team bus, because she has too much luggage to carry. This. actually. happened. quite. frequently.

  5. The East Lake Target definitely has one. They need it, though! The first time I went in there, the front doors of the store were wide open and as I was going in, two kids on bicycles were riding out. I didn’t think anything of it until I saw a young, overweight security guy come hobbling out after them… “Did you see two kids ride out on bicycles!?” I said, “Yes.” He then continued to ask me, “Sh*t, what do I do!?” I told him that calling the cops might be a good idea. Poor guy.

  6. For some reason I want to get a job as Target security just for the chance to drive that. Talk about a job with perks.

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