There would be a few changes:
1. The only synchronized sport would be the marathon. Parents could explain to their kids that there used to be other similarly stupid sports – only shorter.
2. The 100m dash finals would have one representative from each country in the entire world run on a track with enough lanes to hold everyone. It would be filmed from a blimp.
3. Equestrian, Rifle, and Archery would be merged to create one interesting sport.
4. Scrap the 1500m. We’re running the mile.
5. Judged sports would be banned. Gymnasts would try their luck on a timed obstacle course.
6. Indoor winter sports would become summer sports, including hockey and figure skating. This also solves the NHL conflict.
7. Figure skating would be replaced by barrel jumping.
8. Host cities would be chosen at random from a hat. “Hayward, Wisconsin, you’re the next host of the Olympics. You have 8 years.”
9. Advertisers would be limited to one commercial a day, so make it count.
10. The Olympics will take EVERY card BUT VISA.