The Other Mike was right when he said that I may be in need of an intervention when it comes to my tissue habit.
Problem solved:

Paper towel folding: it’s the future. You’ll only find this in finer kitchenette enabled hotel rooms. This comes from a Denver TownePlace hotel.
Luckily, I haven’t spilled anything so I haven’t had to destroy this original origami.
Egads…it is worse than I imagined.
Anyone know any professionals who specialize in tissue management issues?