Who Needs a Windproof Jockstrap?

Some peeps were wondering about the jock strap photo in yesterday’s post of unusual things. If you don’t understand why such a thing in important, check out this story from my high school ski coach to get an appreciation for why they’re the most important layer of clothing a male skier or runner puts on in the winter:

Oxygen Debt

Fear–Big Time
Fear!– And
Mayhem on the
Nordic Path

Editor’s Note: I became friends with Rick Callies three years ago. During that time I’ve been lucky enough to enjoy listening to Rick’s crazy training stories. What follows is a tape-recorded conversation I coaxed out of him on a long road trip back from the Big Shooter Get ready to laugh, because Rick has done some crazy things on skis, and even crazier things on roller skis.

Do they cut these things off?
It must have been, 1980, 1979, somewhere in there. The big thing was for that Birkie, as we were at the starting line, it started raining. It was warm, but a front moved through right before the start. Lycra suits were relatively new at that, time. No one expected bad weather. Everyone was dressed in just their lycra, no long underwear, no nothing, just a racing suit because it was warm at the start, 33 or 34 degrees. But when we were standing in the pen it started raining. And then it started drizzling freezing rain. And then the cold front moved in.While we were skiing the temperature dropped to ten degrees. I never knew anything was wrong, until I finished the race. I had half an inch of’ ice frozen on the outside of my suit. I couldn’t even get my zipper down. I had to chip myself out of my suit; I had to chip away the ice. About ten minutes after you finished, you started to realize that there was something seriously wrong. My d*#! was just on fire. The worst part of the race was that you had to finish on the Lake, and there was just a huge wind blowing right through your suit and by then everything is already soaked and frozen. The wind was just blowing. It was miserable.

We finished in Hayward. l don’t even know where I was, but I went into some bathroom and there were all these guys in there -screaming and crying. They’d all frozen their freakin’ peckers. I was starting to thaw out at that point and I was screaming. I unzipped my ‘suit and whipped it out and it was black!

My first thought, of course, was, “ahh, man! Do they cut these off”?” They cut everything else oil’ that gets frostbitten bad. I was like, “F$#!!!! They’re gonna cut my freakin� pecker off’!!!”

I was hurting so bad. I got up to the sink, bellied up to it, and whipped out what was left of’ my petei–it was this awful black-grey -and started cupping hot water on the, thing, trying to bring it back to life. If it weren’t for the fear I think I might have passed out. It works Fine now, if you were wondering, I was definitely worried at the time.

4 thoughts on “Who Needs a Windproof Jockstrap?”

  1. I was getting my hair done when I read this one… I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time!

    Keep it up! I’m addicted to THE DEETS!!

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